Hi Y’all,
This week I have for you a poem—this thing is called Crone Poems after all. And I have a Milo update which is not so good but hey HE IS ALIVE. And I have some thoughts/questions about the substack subscription thing. I know I say it every week and I’m saying it again—I truly want this space to be for conversation, so when I ask for your opinion (imagine that! *mois* asking for someone’s opinion) I truly want to hear it. I hope you’ll pipe up in the comments.
Okay first, the poem.
For Grant (P.S. Bob Wiseman Emailed Me Two Days After I Wrote This) I want there to be a word For the feeling That goes like this You are at a party or in your car or at the HEB or wherever when you hear a song let’s say The Replacements Androgynous And just as that last note fades your ears do not listen for Black Diamond as they would if they associated the song with its album but rather reach Eagerly Anticipatorily Hopefully Futilely for the opening notes of some gorgeous obscurity Bob Wiseman’s In Her Dream, say Or Fetchin’ Bones Stray Or Whatever it was that Whoever made you Some Perfect MixTape Decided what best went next in order to Amuse you Seduce you Please you (Or If it were a breakup tape and the song you are now waiting for is, say Buzzcocks What Do I Get? maybe it was meant to Hurt you or at least convey some “deeper meaning”) Whatever the case You know as you cruise the freezer aisles bopping your head a little to Bananrama Waiting for Robert De Niro what the next song should be But definitely will not be This is what I need a word for That feeling That place Right Before the actual (disappointing) Next song (Noodly Steely Dan Shite More Vanilla Eagles) No You think That’s not right It’s supposed to be Buck Tempo By Ed’s Redeeming Qualities This is the truest intimacy I ever knew The one place Only two could ever know (You who made it for me Or I who made it for you) You are the only other one waiting for the very same Next Song that never comes
***
Regarding Milo—I will dedicate a full episode soon to him. On the off chance you do not know who Milo is, he is my psychiatric service dog and we are all but conjoined. In late April a sudden onset autoimmune disorder nearly killed him. Then he rallied. Now he has had a literal backslide. His back legs are failing.
A little about perspective. Yesterday when I was driving home from work I kept praying to all the entities to please let Milo not be dead. It’s a sick feeling I’ve had too many times in the past six months. Milo was not dead. I felt so much relief. But also dread. I could tell from his symptoms that he likely will not live much longer.
Yet again the miracle workers at Rollin’ Vets came out to the ranch to investigate. Definitely neuropathy. Some spinal pain. Torn ligament. And, as noted, collapsing rear legs. BUT they don’t think he necessarily is going to die imminently. They have some hope. I now have a little hope. There are some meds we’re trying. I just ordered him a dog wheelchair. So we’ll see how it goes.
***
When I set the subscription rate for this substack at $7 per month—well I can’t remember why I picked that number? I like 7? Maybe the platform suggested it? I don’t mean to undervalue myself—and I’m not—but it seems to me a lower number would be more reasonable. And that if a bunch of people subscribe at that lower number, you all pay less and I get more.
MORE FOR ME! MWAHAHAHA.
JK. Though I have received money for my words ever since I won an essay contest in fifth grade, the older I get, the weirder the money part feels. I think in part because the internet has trained us to seek “free content.” Also, I so enjoy writing that knowing I’m being read, that I’m connecting, really is payment enough.
And yet. I live in this world that will not resume trading beads and rocks and feathers. To survive I have to operate at least some on this weird financial plane.
I want to know—in general how do you feel about subscriptions? Do you think artists and writers are pushing too hard for compensation from readers? Do you think this substack model works? How would you improve it? And finally, tell me why you think money is weird?
I’m dropping the subscription price to $5 per month. Those of you who subscribed at $7, THANK YOU. If you want to unsubscribe and then resubscribe at the lower rate I invite you to do that. Or if you’d prefer some gift swag, email me and I’ll send you some ranch merch.
Speaking of which, I just put a few items in the ranch shop. All proceeds go toward Milo’s Dog Wheelchair. Check out my Topo Chico Bolos, my Mental Health Pinch Pots and my book, The Tao of Bob. My effing squarespace shop is glitching out so if you see something you like maybe just email me and I’ll hook you up.
Crone Shenanigans is July 11 at the Ranch. It’s for all you ladies of a certain attitude. There will be music and readings and arts & crafts. IT'S FREE. But space is limited so please “BUY” A TICKET HERE.
I don't eat lunch out, so I subscribe to Substacks for the couple of people I want to support and for a couple of food things. I'm starting a Florida history Substack and will probably go free so that I can use images and then tie it to my future history publishing empire. I am writing a novel that I feel so good about, and also hitting a romance novella in joyous spurts. When I retire from my admin job in nine years, I am going to travel west for months and see you and my friends in California. Love to Milo! Love to you!
Assorted notes:
I like the poem even though I don’t know the songs. There are so many songs in this world, I feel sad that there are so many I never heard. I only recall one person making me a small mixed tape; it had Wonder Wall on it and many years later a coworker made a flash mob type of birthday present where my students did a dance routine to that song. I have no idea what the song means or why people associate me with it- but it touches me to the core.
I have a friend with a ranch and a dog that looks very much like Milo and about the same age. This dog has also spent a huge amount of time at the vet’s office. Makes me wonder if there is a genetic connection. In any case, I wish Milo the best, and for your strength as there are very few things in this world more exhausting than worrying about a loved one so hard to help.
I like the Substack format as it is one of the only reasons I check my email any more. However, for some reason it doesn’t feel inviting to reply. I’m stepping out of my comfort zone to write this reply. I suspect you have many admirers like me who are deeply introverted and require much urging to feel our words are wanted at all. So there is that.