Cross Pollinating

Hey Y’all,

I had one heck of a day today. Milo had a freaky episode during which he appeared to fall into total blindness. We spent hours at the vet—Dr. Erika rushed in on her day off—and Milo patiently allowed all manner of weird poking and prodding, including in his eyes. He’s in rough shape but he is alive! He doesn’t seem too uncomfortable and he does have some vision. We’re not precisely sure what exactly it is going on, beyond another keen reminder to cherish every moment. I am going to have an excruciatingly difficult time releasing this one into the Circle of Life. He really is my man.

I did think often today of this substack, and how I like to put it out every Monday (last week notwithstanding because ECLIPSE). Consistency keeps me anchored. It took me entirely too long to realize I very much enjoy being anchored and so I’m loathe to stray from my weekly rhythms.

So I’ve decided to cross pollinate and re-post here the last piece I posted on my substack for writers: Write With Spike. It’s a very cool space where very good writers share work with each other and share conversation about the work and our shared passion for language. If you like today’s post and want to pop over and join us in the writing room, please do. All levels welcome.

One last quick thing—if you are in skim mode today, please do be sure to read the NOTES at the bottom. There’s info about a super cool show coming up at the ranch.

OBSERVE, OBSERVE, OBSERVE

My friend Carol was a guest columnist over at my other substack recently. She’s 81 now and for quite some time has been my Number One Crone Role Model. Despite my general disinterest in unsolicited advice, not only do I make an exception for my older and wiser friend, I—gasp—even go so far as to solicit advice from her.

Of all the invaluable suggestions she has offered me, the one I think of and engage in most often is this: Observe, Observe, Observe.

I use this tool toward many ends, chief among them impulse control. I am not very good at impulse control (witness two very hasty marriages among other disastrous spur of the moment decisions). I’m glad science has revealed more to me about how my ADHD and PTSD brain works so I can strive to have a less dramatic life by deploying sundry tactics offered up as useful to people like me. Understanding more about Adrenalin and endorphins helps me spot internal chemical floods as they are occurring. I do my best in these times to observe what I am feeling, and further observe that history has proven beyond a doubt that whatever I am feeling will pass, even if it doesn’t feel like that, so DO NOT ACT ON THE FEELING.

I was thinking a lot about the power of observation today because some young entitled couple in Austin is striving, even as I write this, to have me fired from my docent job, the best job I have ever had. I don’t want to waste much more energy on them. Let’s just say that in my official duty I told her she had to leash the two German shepherds she was letting run around the park which also serves as the backyard to the museum. Not pleased with my proclamation that she was breaking the law, she totally went off on me. Upset that I did not yield to the camera phone she was holding in my face like a gun, she had her husband falsely report to my supervisors that I had threatened his wife with bodily harm.

Are you feeling a chemical reaction now, too?

[Despite the bummer weekend I still had fun picking wildflowers with friends]

So I’ve spent all of today observing how much space I’ve let them take up in my mind, and how irritating it is—both the space they’re taking up and that I have yet to successfully learn to shake shit off in the moment, stop clinging.

That’s not all I’ve done today. Earlier I went to the funeral of a friend of mine who recently killed herself. This was held in a Catholic Church. I have a tremendous amount of baggage around this particular religion, in which I was raised, and stepping into the space I observed how I was on high alert. How never mind I gave up on the church forty years ago, I still had every prayer and ritual memorized. How I couldn’t resist singing along to Amazing Grace, and how despite my nontheism it is one of my all time favorite songs. I observed the stained glass and the statues. I observed myself—seated in the very last pew alone—playing NYT Spelling Bee, guilt free, to keep from being triggered by all those holy words. I observed how not only did they not condemn my friend’s cause of death—common for the church—but rather the preacher spoke eloquently about mental health and frankly about suicide without an iota of judgment. I observed as I was leaving a massive sign condemning abortion. And then I observed the rage that instantly flared up at the sight of this.

My point, because I actually have on (tada!), is to remind y’all that your very best tool for writing is the same as the tool I use for so many things. Observe, Observe, Observe. Listen, touch, taste, smell. Take notes. Carry a little journal. Use your cell phone. Doesn’t matter. Remember you might observe something interesting today that only months or years down the road will strike you as being a perfect reference for whatever you’re writing. The observations are like gathering shiny beads from all over, waiting until later to string them together in a way you find most pleasing.

For all the sadness the day brought with the funeral, and all the irritation that came with being falsely accused, I’m so glad I remembered to flip on my observation switch and try my best to take in everything that was happening like lines of poetry waiting to be assembled at a later date.

Do you keep a record of random observations? In a notebook? On a tablet? On a cocktail napkin? In your head? Are you equally adept at observing your internal and external landscapes? Tell us about it.

NOTES

Thanks for subscribing y’all. If you can fit it in your budget to subscribe for $5 per month or $50 per year, I hope you’ll consider it. One-time tips also gratefully accepted via Venmo: @spike-gillespie. Pretty much all of your support these days is going to help Milo, my most expensive roommate ever.

If doling out dough isn’t your thing, you can still help by sharing this substack with someone you think will dig it.

FUNDRAISER CONCERT with James McMurtry and John Doe.

May 18, 2024 at Tiny T Ranch in Garfield, TX 78617

Each icon will do a one-hour set. It’s an early show from 6-9. Seats are very limited. $50. Come hang out on the lawn with us.

We are raising funds for Desiree Venable who is a Democrat running for State Representative District 17 in the Texas Legislature. It’s (long past) time for women’s autonomy to be restored. Please help spread the word. Thanks.

CLICK RIGHT HERE TO BUY TICKETS OR MAKE A DONATION