Saying Yes to Community, No to BS, & Free Ticket Giveaway!
Hi Y’all,
A quick roundup of stuff. I’ll get back to my irregularly scheduled rambling posts soon. The free ticket info is down below so if you’re in a hurry, go on and skip ahead.
The surgeon general just had an op-ed piece in NYT about what a killer loneliness is. As an introvert, I find I rarely get lonely. But I also have to acknowledge I’m lucky enough to have fabulous roommates and lots of friends who, when I do want company, are down for hanging out. What about you? Do you have a hard time connecting? Did lockdown make it worse? Do you have—as I do—a Great Gatsby streak that leaves you liking to be around people, but way off in the corner observing?
Despite my love of endless hours/days of alone time, ironically I have spent much of my life striving to forge community. If I had to guess why, I’d speculate that this is due in large part to a desire inside me to time travel back and fix the situation in which I grew up. I have eight siblings—that is a community in itself. But due to circumstances I’ve described at great length over the past four decades, as a group we are a real mess. It makes me sad. So I suppose I overcompensate by perpetually creating events to which all are welcome. Even and especially all you freaks who both crave and fear groups.
Toward that end, I am bringing live music back to the ranch. On May 20th the West Texas Exiles and special guests are playing a show out here. There will also be a flea and art market featuring lots of local artists and crafts people. And there will be food. You can also bring your own food and beverages. If you like making new friends, you can do that. If you want to sit on a blanket behind a tree and simply observe, you, too, are welcome.
In other news, I had the great satisfaction of telling someone NO yesterday. I’ll share the short version as a reminder that we all are allowed to say NO and we are all allowed to change our minds. I wish I knew that instinctively but for me it is a practice and I’m not always good at it.
A couple of months ago, a boot company contacted me about shooting an ad out here. I remember hesitating mostly because I buy my fancy boots from my friends at Heritage Boot on South Congress. I am dedicated to that shop. Great boots. Great service. And LOCAL. But then, I have bills to pay, so after talking to the producer for a bit, I decided to say yes.
Weeks passed and I never heard back. I figured the deal was off. I’d blocked the ranch entirely for the date (cutting into my AirBnB bookings). I unblocked it. Of course almost as soon as I did that, I got another call, this time from a higher up in the company. I spent a good deal of time on the phone with her answering a bunch of questions. She said they were in and she’d call soon about payment.
Yesterday she called back and wanted to book an appointment for the production team to come have a look. The time she picked didn’t work for me. She was not flexible. So I bent over backwards to accommodate her schedule. When I mentioned this to her, she let slip that the team would be visiting three ranches. This confused me as in our prior conversation she very much made it sound like a done deal. As it dawned on me I had wasted over an hour talking to these folks, and now was getting ready to pay someone to give a tour for something that might not even pan out, I got a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.
I have been through this routine so many times in my life. You know, where someone implies something then backpedals. Don’t get me wrong. I understand how scouting works and I’ve had lots of people check out the ranch only to decide it wasn’t right for whatever they had in mind. No problem. But to commit to booking then pull a switcharoo is not something I’m into. I hate a lack of integrity. I despise duplicity.
Many years ago, I was chosen by The Moth to perform at the Paramount. This was a huge deal for me. Then, after booking me, the producer started changing her tune. She wanted me to embellish my story in ways I wasn’t comfortable with. Besides, the story itself—the one that culminates in my dying uncle revealing he always thought I had a secret penis—was plenty exciting. Additionally that producer had pushed me to describe my father’s racism in graphic terms that made me sick. So, yeah, she encouraged me to use a certain word I disdain. During a run through on the phone with this producer and her boss, her boss stopped me at that word and called me out for using it. I tried to explain it hadn’t been my choice but the original producer cut me off and then threw me under the bus, acting like the whole thing had been my idea.
I was so disgusted that I quit before the show happened, after the programs had been printed and after many friends had purchased tickets. I’ve had years to think about this. I have no regrets.
It was the same feeling that came to me yesterday with the boot company lady. Something was not right about the way she was treating me. I told her I was out and I told her why. She did apologize but it really rang hollow.
So here’s a cheerful reminder to all of us—if someone is making you uncomfortable, just freaking say no. You’ll get through it. And I promise you’ll feel better that you did.
I want to thank you all again for helping me with Milo—the cash, the good vibes and all of it. He is doing so much better.
I’m giving away 20 FREE TICKETS to the concert. And I’m selling 20 tickets at half price. To access these tickets CLICK THIS LINK NOW.
Really hope to see you.
Thanks, y’all.