I grew up in small town Texas, north of Houston, and a more cruel set of people is hard to find. I was bullied constantly as a child, and perhaps that contributed to my joining the USMC in young adulthood. Try bullying me now. My parents and almost all my relatives in that area are also rabid Trumpsters. It tends to make family gatherings very interesting, like when my dad said "At some point we are going to rise up and kill all the Democrats," to the amazement of the other 3 adults in the room, all being in/or having been in the military, in his family and all democrats. In light of what you wrote about non violence and being part of the solution, I realize, at present, other than sometimes trying to calm things down or saying a few carefully placed "well bless your heart" s, I am probably more part of the problem than the solution. I have been struggling to find a way to kindness myself. Because reason doesn't seem to do anything.
Like the kids say, the struggle is real. I’m sorry you were bullied. It really does suck. I’ve had some surprises from my family, too—some of my very many very catholic sisters seem to be more understanding now of the need for reproductive health rights. And sometimes they’re willing to tiptoe into the waters of discussing the trauma we endured as kids. For years I felt so alone in all of this. It’s a welcome change.
That sounds super potentially triggering and kudos to you for getting through it so gracefully. I understand that need to want to help and be around people and then oh fuck. I'm sure the music aficionados were thrilled. I even considered leaving my fortress of solitude when I saw your lineup before I remembered that I don't really want to do that. ❤
Consider yourself both missed and commended! Way to take care of you. When I woke up Saturday feeling that old anxiety, I dug a little deeper, examined it more closely. I think part of my severe anxiety in crowds is that I grew up in a crowd (eight siblings) and I was exiled from it, disowned, ostracized. Probably my very deepest wound. Anyway, I realize that anytime I am around a group of people, I have a visceral fear that I am going to be yelled at and kicked out. I think the fact that I host these events is me trying to insure I can’t be kicked out. Even though that all sounds sad, I’m actually glad to see the root of it now so I can work on ripping it out.
I grew up in small town Texas, north of Houston, and a more cruel set of people is hard to find. I was bullied constantly as a child, and perhaps that contributed to my joining the USMC in young adulthood. Try bullying me now. My parents and almost all my relatives in that area are also rabid Trumpsters. It tends to make family gatherings very interesting, like when my dad said "At some point we are going to rise up and kill all the Democrats," to the amazement of the other 3 adults in the room, all being in/or having been in the military, in his family and all democrats. In light of what you wrote about non violence and being part of the solution, I realize, at present, other than sometimes trying to calm things down or saying a few carefully placed "well bless your heart" s, I am probably more part of the problem than the solution. I have been struggling to find a way to kindness myself. Because reason doesn't seem to do anything.
Like the kids say, the struggle is real. I’m sorry you were bullied. It really does suck. I’ve had some surprises from my family, too—some of my very many very catholic sisters seem to be more understanding now of the need for reproductive health rights. And sometimes they’re willing to tiptoe into the waters of discussing the trauma we endured as kids. For years I felt so alone in all of this. It’s a welcome change.
That sounds super potentially triggering and kudos to you for getting through it so gracefully. I understand that need to want to help and be around people and then oh fuck. I'm sure the music aficionados were thrilled. I even considered leaving my fortress of solitude when I saw your lineup before I remembered that I don't really want to do that. ❤
Consider yourself both missed and commended! Way to take care of you. When I woke up Saturday feeling that old anxiety, I dug a little deeper, examined it more closely. I think part of my severe anxiety in crowds is that I grew up in a crowd (eight siblings) and I was exiled from it, disowned, ostracized. Probably my very deepest wound. Anyway, I realize that anytime I am around a group of people, I have a visceral fear that I am going to be yelled at and kicked out. I think the fact that I host these events is me trying to insure I can’t be kicked out. Even though that all sounds sad, I’m actually glad to see the root of it now so I can work on ripping it out.