You keep it real Spike. Wise advice at the end. I would add if you see someone struggling, reach out. Be a friend. Isolation is such a huge problem. So is the dearth of a good rock bands to fill the place of bands like the Clash. Listening to the first (best) album right now. OK Boomer!!
I somehow spent the majority of the day not remembering what day it was because I was really busy with writing until I got home in the afternoon. Then I wrote some heartfelt posts about it and then cried about it for the first time in a couple years. His death fundamentally changed me as a person, the way I interact with the world has never been the same. I don't think that has been a bad thing though, I feel stronger in a lot of ways. Anyways, I miss you. I hope we can chat at some point, it's been awhile. Thanks for this post. -Cydney
Cydney! I miss you. Yesterday I went through photos and of course there were plenty of you. I still especially love the pictures we took at the boot shop and the bookstore. It was a pretty quiet day for me, too. I let the memories come in and watched them like a movie. Then I did yoga with Nick Cave for the soundtrack. I hope you’ll come visit soon. Love you.
Also, I had a friend who had extremely treatment resistant bipolar disorder, and I knew that every day he was alive was because he couldn't bear that his sister, who was religious, would think he had gone to hell. But the trauma of trying to pretend to be okay all the time (Tracy, how can I convince my new therapist I'm sane? Jim, you aren't sane right now) took its toll on his health, and he finally had a heart attack after losing his leg to an injury related to his having collapsed in a diabetic coma. It's weird, because I will boo hoo at any song that reminds me of anyone I have lost, but with this friend, I don't think I've shed a tear. It's like I know that he's in my head and my heart. and that it must have been so hard for him to have gone on so long. (He was 66.) The day after he died I dreamed I went to get him new clothes for his orientation to wherever beyond he went, and I told him, "No inappropriate comments when you get there!" and he said, "Har, har, har, Traceeee."
What a wonderful dream. Bipolar disorder is such a bitch. I have watched it take out a lot of people. I’m sorry about your friend. Jason truly was in agony and it was getting worse. I’m so grateful he shows up around here still. Reassuring. ❤️
Omg, while I finished reading this, "Skinny Love" by Bon Iver came on, a song that always reminds me of one of my late friends (lost to ALS), and a cardinal outside my window went surfing across a huge stand of hydrangea blossoms. This guy is skinnier than the cardinal who hangs out in the other window fretting about where his lady is.
You keep it real Spike. Wise advice at the end. I would add if you see someone struggling, reach out. Be a friend. Isolation is such a huge problem. So is the dearth of a good rock bands to fill the place of bands like the Clash. Listening to the first (best) album right now. OK Boomer!!
Boomer! Hahaha. Total dearth, I agree.
I am always trying to monitor/balance solitude vs. isolation. I savor my solitude but sometimes it’s a slippery slope. Hope you’re well, Boomer!
I somehow spent the majority of the day not remembering what day it was because I was really busy with writing until I got home in the afternoon. Then I wrote some heartfelt posts about it and then cried about it for the first time in a couple years. His death fundamentally changed me as a person, the way I interact with the world has never been the same. I don't think that has been a bad thing though, I feel stronger in a lot of ways. Anyways, I miss you. I hope we can chat at some point, it's been awhile. Thanks for this post. -Cydney
Cydney! I miss you. Yesterday I went through photos and of course there were plenty of you. I still especially love the pictures we took at the boot shop and the bookstore. It was a pretty quiet day for me, too. I let the memories come in and watched them like a movie. Then I did yoga with Nick Cave for the soundtrack. I hope you’ll come visit soon. Love you.
Also, I had a friend who had extremely treatment resistant bipolar disorder, and I knew that every day he was alive was because he couldn't bear that his sister, who was religious, would think he had gone to hell. But the trauma of trying to pretend to be okay all the time (Tracy, how can I convince my new therapist I'm sane? Jim, you aren't sane right now) took its toll on his health, and he finally had a heart attack after losing his leg to an injury related to his having collapsed in a diabetic coma. It's weird, because I will boo hoo at any song that reminds me of anyone I have lost, but with this friend, I don't think I've shed a tear. It's like I know that he's in my head and my heart. and that it must have been so hard for him to have gone on so long. (He was 66.) The day after he died I dreamed I went to get him new clothes for his orientation to wherever beyond he went, and I told him, "No inappropriate comments when you get there!" and he said, "Har, har, har, Traceeee."
What a wonderful dream. Bipolar disorder is such a bitch. I have watched it take out a lot of people. I’m sorry about your friend. Jason truly was in agony and it was getting worse. I’m so grateful he shows up around here still. Reassuring. ❤️
Omg, while I finished reading this, "Skinny Love" by Bon Iver came on, a song that always reminds me of one of my late friends (lost to ALS), and a cardinal outside my window went surfing across a huge stand of hydrangea blossoms. This guy is skinnier than the cardinal who hangs out in the other window fretting about where his lady is.
Thanks for your wonderful writing
Thank you
Wow - powerful and timely
Excellent writing on a difficult topic.