When I lived on the Eastsied(intentional spelling lol) in Swede Hill, I was one block from Oakwood Cemetery, the oldest still active graveyard in CTX. I would go running there, cuz one lap around the perimeter was almost exactly a mile, and I didn't have to dodge traffic or risk being followed when on the H&B trail. I would also walk my 2 (leashed) dogs, even though the sign said 'no dogs'(my own bit of entitlement perhaps?). I would clean up after them and NEVER let them run loose. IT'S A CEMETERY, FOR DOG'S SAKE, NO?
More than once, I encountered entitled people who would show up and let their dogs OFF leash to run around, peeing and shitting on people's graves...one douchecanoe drove his minivan into the cemetery, opened the side door and let his dog out, and then proceeded to CHASE the dog with his van THROUGH THE GRAVES.
I had more than one unfriendly encounter with folks and their off leash dogs, and more than once, had to threaten 911 when said dogs charged me or my dogs (one was a rescue with issues when approached by loose dogs when he was on leash-I even carried pepper spray) It got to the point that the park employees who hung out in the little chapel dubbed me the Don Quixote of Dog Leashes in an interview with the Chronicle in 2004 or 2005, I think.(Oakwood is under the jurisdiction of the parks dept) She called me to chat about my knowledge of the graves and what I had witnessed in the years I had been running my laps. One of my friends liked to say I knew my dead neighbors better than my living ones, and he wasn't wrong....So many notable Texans buried there, including my favorite, Ima Hogg, who never married and was a grand philanthropist! (hashtag:goals)
I will always 'punch' entitled dog owners as they are a big reason people 'think' they need designer dogs (mutts) while AAC begins to lose its No Kill status, thanks to the current directorial incompetence...sigh....
I LOVE the Oakwood Cemetery. Athol Estes is buried there—the star of my new book and the wife of O. Henry. I have always been so vigilant about off-leashers—well, ever since I made the mistake of letting one of my dogs go to a park with me off leash. This was nearly thirty years ago and I make no excuses for my stupid behavior then. For a moment I thought it was a good idea. The dog attacked some guy who thankfully did not sustain serious injuries nor did he press charges though probably could have. There was also a long ago time in my life when I didn’t pick up dog shit. I hate admitting all of this but it really is part of my process of owning my own past hypocrisy. Come to think of it, there was a short period, the year before lockdown, when I was briefly friends with a super rich, super white, Lexus driver who had his dog off leash most of the time. I’m embarrassed looking back on how, out of my desire to maintain the friendship, instead of saying something I went along, and even agreed what a very good boy the dog was. (Actually, he was but it doesn’t matter.) I love that you got your own title at the cemetery. Well done!
This is fascinating to me, because you and I have the same trigger, and I recall that from our waiting table days! The entitled people we waited on, omg. Dylan came in and we had a lovely time (yay), but she said it was uncomfortable to hear me comment on the bad behavior of other drivers. Like turning out of TJ Maxx (it's the old Children's Palace location out west in Knoxville), it's no right on red. And yet, every time, some a-hole in giant SUV or a Tesla turns right on red. She said that's their business, and I was like, "The Common Good is everyone's business!"
BUT -- I am regarded as a Karen by the produce manager at my Kroger, because one time I put a scuffed pepper on the shelf below the other peppers, which to me is a universal signal for "This pepper is bad, take a look," and he ROLLED HIS EYES AT ME AND LOUD SIGHED AND CAME OVER AND PUT IT IN WITH THE OTHERS. And I'm like, "Scuffed spot!" And he pretended it wasn't.
So the next week, unfortunately, he and a woman employee were chatting, and she said something I perceived as transphobic, and wanting just to get out of the way, I reached past him for an onion, and HE ROLLED HIS EYES AND LOUD SIGHED AND DID A FAKE EXCUSE ME, and I chirped, "I'm always in your way," and then loser-sneezed "Someone has anger management issues."
It really is SO HARD. Henry reminds me on the regular that I don’t need to correct/get even with assholes, that they have to live with themselves and that’s punishment enough. And yet I continue to be triggered. But I really am going to work on it because I can’t live in a sustained state of outrage and oh, the outrageousness abounds. You might recall I got fired from the LunchBox because I went off on a woman who stiffed someone (maybe you?) the time before. She informed me that the service was stiff-worthy as she had not received a straw. I walked out singing We Shall Overcome, which felt smart and righteous at the time, but which now, of course, is one of the things that makes me wince about my own past behavior. This being human stuff is really complicated. Oh, and let us not forget the snotty twentysomething clerk at the food coop who tried to kick me out because I had on my Fat Cunt t-shirt. That was years ago and I haven’t been back since. I will say that possibly my favorite holder over from lockdown is curbside grocery service. I’ve probably been in a supermarket fewer than five times in the past two years.
I can't remember if I ever told you that I WORKED WITH THAT WOMAN YEARS LATER! I was a temp (and employee briefly) at a sketchy car credit place, and she and the assistant manager used to go out to eat, and she would WRITE LETTERS, which brought up a memory. So later when she said she and a bunch of women at the (social security office?) used to eat at The Lunch Box, I was like, Oh, I remember you, and she got all flustered and said I was mistaken.
Anyhoo, she and the assistant manager were also forging the manager's name on legal documents so he "needn't be bothered." I told the manager that on my way out. He retired and the franchise shuttered the office. Ooops.
I’d love to read that lady’s complaint: “So I was breaking the law, and someone called the cops because I was breaking the law, and so I really think the one to get in trouble should be whoever it was that saw me breaking the law.”
Oh Spike, I so relate to your piece. Funny how I was in NYC for a week with leashed dogs everywhere (even in Whole Foods, Target and CVS in Chelsea), kind owners, lovely and friendly people no matter where I went in Manhattan. Loved ones I saw told me how they are estranged from several close family members who act entitled to the 10th power since the election. Since I got back last week I had to block a person who I know is a caring person I’ve known for decades. Their recent post was a vengeful rant about their entitlement and belittling Kamala and her followers. It crushed me for a few hours. Today a dear friend took my pup with their pups to our local unleashed dog park of 12+ years. A woman walking two leashed dogs screamed at my dog and tazed him. Before the tazing she was advised to go to a leashed park close by. Instead she tazed my dog. This never happened before. People seem a bit more off their rocker. It’s so sad. I am learning to let go of confronting the assholes of the world as well. The main reason being what you said, it robs me of my joy. Taking care of my Mom for four years taught me about the preciousness of moments, of gratitude and love 💕. These are my tools 🧰. Another tool is community, thank you for being part of mine. 💕🎁💕
Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry that happened to your dog! That’s horrible. It really is feeling uglier and scarier out that. The poison from my interaction with the off leash woman is slowly seeping away. My plan is to redouble my efforts to see and feel beauty every day. Only thing that’s gonna get me through. ❤️
Ugh, I so relate. I was noticing and barely tolerating a lot of entitlement in air travel recently (a privilege to be there for that, i know). I have also been trying to police the entitled dog owners in the park near my house. Been charged with my little gal more than once. I totally do the friendly, "Did you know this is a leash-only park?" but folks know they are wrong and often respond in a crappy manner. I don't have to worry about getting fired, but I do think twice about folks seeing me go back to my home after that kind of encounter. I think what gets me, along with the entitlement, is the gaslighting. Like *I* am somehow crazy or petty for wanting them to follow the rules, which are in place for good reason and The Common Good. I have had a couple satisfying experiences when someone's offleash dog ran up on another dog and caused a commotion, the exact thing I had just warned them off (after picking up my little one and heading the other direction - which I *should not have to do*!). I have (in Karen-esque fashion) spoken to the park caretakers about it and they said they have stopped engaging people about it because they have been threatened. Like, people sicked their dogs on them! Can you imagine? So, yeah, it does feel like tilting at windmills with these folks sometimes.
Thanks, as always, for sharing your processing of this and inspiring us to pick our battles and avoid the mindjam when we can.
YES! The gaslighting part! And even though the cops made it clear to her that she was in violation, she continued to stand there smirking at me, hand on her hip, with this, “See, I TOLD you” look on her face. Total cognitive dissonance.
Ahhh....Spike! Once again you've experienced and written something that I completely relate to. I also call out people for breaking rules, laws, etc. I've been like this since I was a kid. I'm triggered easily by entitled assholes, their blatant disrespect and bizarre, confrontational behavior.
When I was younger I would come close to, or have actual physical altercations with them. 😬 I believe that, that's what drew me to the Punk Scene. I found my tribe there.
Your words helped me. It truly is a struggle to rein it in. And what do we do with all that pent up rage?
Also, yes to noticing more rude people out there. Perhaps there are too many rats in the cage? Social media doesn't help either, and trump is a disgusting hero to half the country.
I’m sorry you go through it, too. But what a great point about the draw toward the Punk Scene. Yes, yes, a million times yes! I’m going to keep trying to rein it in and maybe do more physical exercise to deal with simmering rage. There was a time when I kept a punching bag in my room. It really helped.
Yes, exercise! Deep breathing....I've also screamed to let it all out. (I did that after the election). Another thing that I do is realize that it isn't me, it's them. They must be miserable jerks and I'm happy that I'm not an asshole. And yes, I've acted like an asshole at times too...but at least I know it and work to change that.
Omg, that Alamo Drafthouse clip, I hadn't seen that in awhile. The gift that keeps on giving. Yes, absolutely yes, the feeling of being around people feeling more entitled than usual.
I wonder if some of that has to do with a double whammy of having SO many extra more people squozen into this city (meaning so many more opportunities to deal with people in general, entitled and otherwise) but also because the nature of the city has sort of fundamentally changed over the last 20ish(?) years. Instead of feeling funky, easy and relaxed it now feels like a playground for the rich (which often but not always comes with entitled). I mean, who else can afford to live here?
I wonder if a way to thread the needle of wanting to do or say something but not wanting to risk your job or your physical and/or mental health would be to... when you see someone doing something you think (or know) is wrong, first take a quick mental inventory and see if you can do what I'm about to suggest in a calm and ideally reasonable way and, if so (if not, keep walking)... decide to let them know in a genuinely friendly way that, say, it's an area that requires a dog to be on a leash. Sometimes folks appreciate the info. However, if they feel threatened and go ballistic on you, take a deep breath, smile, say I just thought you'd like to know and have a nice day (kill them with kindness) and then walk away. You've done your job, it's on them after that.
I think a lot of people kneejerk into shittiness when they feel put on the spot but maybe, just maybe, later on that kernel of info might sink in when they're calmer and it might actually change behavior (including maybe not going back to same place where they were nicely confronted). It's all a big fat journey.
Basically, you're giving them info and walking away. Job done. Sometimes just putting a little roadblock in front of what feels like a steam roller can alter the course, in the best ways. And you don't have to get run over in the process.
Love you, Spike. Thank you so much for all that you do. xoxoxo
Ann! All *excellent* advice which, as we know, is usually the hardest kind of advice for me to apply. 😂 All I know is I have got to teach myself to engage less because the emotional hangover I get from these encounters really fucks with me for days on end. It’s now nearly a week out and I’m still exhausted from all the energy I wasted first on her and then thinking about her. On Saturday I saw Ruthie Foster at the Paramount. She was so full of joy and gratitude and talked about what a great town Austin always was for creatives. I still know so many people who somehow manage to hang on by a thread, stay in the city and contribute to that good Old Austin spirit of support for one another. But it is tougher and tougher. At the end of the night, she dedicated her encore to Toni Price and then she said, “If Toni were here, she’d be saying, ‘Tip your bartender! Tip the band!’” And that so took me back to the good old days. I don’t think I’m merely being nostalgic. Those were truly magical days when it was affordable and the spirit of “we the people” was greater than the current, increasingly dominant ME ME ME bullshit. I did think of you when remarking on Lexus and Tesla—I recall your informal study suggested to you that the worst drivers always had a warning badge: some sticker or magnet identifying them as a Texas Ex. 😂
Oh I bet that was a wonderful show! And what a great tribute to Toni Price. I agree, I don't think it's just us being nostalgic, I feel very lucky to have been here during the time of fun. I was younger and going out more but also it was just, well, easier to be here, to live here. And I totally understand about how exhausting it is to deal with folks like Ivanka Hilton. It can really take a toll. I'm also prone to rehashing that stuff over and over and you're so right, they really don't deserve to take up that much brain space. Easier said than done but a Ruthie Foster show is a terrific antidote!
Entitled dog owners are the worst. My partner and I carry a police baton when we walk our dog. He's a little guy and we want to have something to fend off an aggressive dog or coyote if need be. Once a huge Burmese Mountain Dog (another one of those perfect purebreeds from the look of it) bounded up to him in a neighborhood. It was unleashed and was ignoring his owners' calls to return completely. They could not control this absolutely massive dog coming towards my little one! My partner extended the baton just to create space between the dogs. The owner's response? "You can hit your wife with that but don't you dare touchy dog." In hindsight, I think taking the baton out unnecessarily escalated the situation. But c'mon lady! We looked her up and she was on the Forbe's 30 under 30 list for a party favor supply company.
I have twice been attacked by off-leash dogs when out walking my leashed dogs. (The second attack was a little different—country dogs that were on the loose with no accompanying humans to yell at.) I’m positive I escalated the recent situation when I called 911 but I was so trying to keep *myself* safe—safe from getting fired. Because I always want to read these people the riot act and it is so difficult to keep that in check once I am triggered and I know if I give into the urge the entitled people will see to it that I pay dearly. So frustrating.
I worked as solo night staff in affordable housing for 10 years. Acting entitled is pretty independent of financial status as far as I can tell. I have stories for days. But I have to say that the best advice I ever got was to stay in my lane as in if it's not in your job description, it's not your problem. Maybe not what you want to hear, but I'm pretty sure that the C of A and the non profit I worked for have a lot in common as far as the higher ups. There's a lot to be said for keeping a job that suits one, especially when one has a hard time fitting in with the regular 9 to 5 type jobs. All that being said, I'm sorry you had an upsetting experience that's been hard to shake. I know what that is like. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
To clarify, it was in my job description, which I did mention. I know that people of all walks and financial means (or absence of means) can act entitled. I feed the homeless weekly at the Central Presbyterian Church and definitely run into some folks in that population who have been demanding and rude. But in my experience it is far more often the rich white folks who act with the most entitlement.
I took it that it was in your job description to inform, not to enforce, but I may have misunderstood. The non profit I worked for is a partner with the city and both have many of the same policies (my son worked at one of the rec centers for a long time, too). I am a naturally aggressive person. I learned how I approached people made a huge difference in the interaction. For example, "Hi, it's part of my job to let you know that dogs should be on leash in the park" and then following up to any push back with "I just needed to let you know" and walking away. The problem with enforcement is that it can lead to conflict which can lead to aggression which can lead to danger for both you and the person you are interacting with. You could get physically hurt. Calling the police can have big consequences for the other person, like being shot and killed by the police if they pull a knife for example or being deported of they are undocumented. I had 10 years of dealing with random situations like unleashed dogs and entitled (and mentally ill) people and occasionally some training classes. I'm not trying to tell you that you are wrong. I was trying to give you another perspective based on my experiences.
Thanks for clarifying. There was something in the tone of your original comment—or perhaps my perception of tone—that put me on the defense. To my ears (eyes) it felt…hmmm…not exactly condescending but in that neighborhood. Anyway, I stand by my decision to call the police. I am so tired of these entitled rich people—and that’s always who it is—making a public space unsafe for others. And also some of them don’t pick up their dogs’ shit, and we have to pick it up. Also, without enforcement, why bother having laws and ordinances? I maintained at least twenty feet distance between us, called my supervisor inside the building and she came out and joined me to wait for the police. When the police arrived we continued to maintain our distance. She was a 105 pound unarmed woman. And she was a shade of white that doesn’t randomly get checked for documents.
When I lived on the Eastsied(intentional spelling lol) in Swede Hill, I was one block from Oakwood Cemetery, the oldest still active graveyard in CTX. I would go running there, cuz one lap around the perimeter was almost exactly a mile, and I didn't have to dodge traffic or risk being followed when on the H&B trail. I would also walk my 2 (leashed) dogs, even though the sign said 'no dogs'(my own bit of entitlement perhaps?). I would clean up after them and NEVER let them run loose. IT'S A CEMETERY, FOR DOG'S SAKE, NO?
More than once, I encountered entitled people who would show up and let their dogs OFF leash to run around, peeing and shitting on people's graves...one douchecanoe drove his minivan into the cemetery, opened the side door and let his dog out, and then proceeded to CHASE the dog with his van THROUGH THE GRAVES.
I had more than one unfriendly encounter with folks and their off leash dogs, and more than once, had to threaten 911 when said dogs charged me or my dogs (one was a rescue with issues when approached by loose dogs when he was on leash-I even carried pepper spray) It got to the point that the park employees who hung out in the little chapel dubbed me the Don Quixote of Dog Leashes in an interview with the Chronicle in 2004 or 2005, I think.(Oakwood is under the jurisdiction of the parks dept) She called me to chat about my knowledge of the graves and what I had witnessed in the years I had been running my laps. One of my friends liked to say I knew my dead neighbors better than my living ones, and he wasn't wrong....So many notable Texans buried there, including my favorite, Ima Hogg, who never married and was a grand philanthropist! (hashtag:goals)
I will always 'punch' entitled dog owners as they are a big reason people 'think' they need designer dogs (mutts) while AAC begins to lose its No Kill status, thanks to the current directorial incompetence...sigh....
I LOVE the Oakwood Cemetery. Athol Estes is buried there—the star of my new book and the wife of O. Henry. I have always been so vigilant about off-leashers—well, ever since I made the mistake of letting one of my dogs go to a park with me off leash. This was nearly thirty years ago and I make no excuses for my stupid behavior then. For a moment I thought it was a good idea. The dog attacked some guy who thankfully did not sustain serious injuries nor did he press charges though probably could have. There was also a long ago time in my life when I didn’t pick up dog shit. I hate admitting all of this but it really is part of my process of owning my own past hypocrisy. Come to think of it, there was a short period, the year before lockdown, when I was briefly friends with a super rich, super white, Lexus driver who had his dog off leash most of the time. I’m embarrassed looking back on how, out of my desire to maintain the friendship, instead of saying something I went along, and even agreed what a very good boy the dog was. (Actually, he was but it doesn’t matter.) I love that you got your own title at the cemetery. Well done!
This is fascinating to me, because you and I have the same trigger, and I recall that from our waiting table days! The entitled people we waited on, omg. Dylan came in and we had a lovely time (yay), but she said it was uncomfortable to hear me comment on the bad behavior of other drivers. Like turning out of TJ Maxx (it's the old Children's Palace location out west in Knoxville), it's no right on red. And yet, every time, some a-hole in giant SUV or a Tesla turns right on red. She said that's their business, and I was like, "The Common Good is everyone's business!"
BUT -- I am regarded as a Karen by the produce manager at my Kroger, because one time I put a scuffed pepper on the shelf below the other peppers, which to me is a universal signal for "This pepper is bad, take a look," and he ROLLED HIS EYES AT ME AND LOUD SIGHED AND CAME OVER AND PUT IT IN WITH THE OTHERS. And I'm like, "Scuffed spot!" And he pretended it wasn't.
So the next week, unfortunately, he and a woman employee were chatting, and she said something I perceived as transphobic, and wanting just to get out of the way, I reached past him for an onion, and HE ROLLED HIS EYES AND LOUD SIGHED AND DID A FAKE EXCUSE ME, and I chirped, "I'm always in your way," and then loser-sneezed "Someone has anger management issues."
So now I have to go before he gets on shift.
It really is SO HARD. Henry reminds me on the regular that I don’t need to correct/get even with assholes, that they have to live with themselves and that’s punishment enough. And yet I continue to be triggered. But I really am going to work on it because I can’t live in a sustained state of outrage and oh, the outrageousness abounds. You might recall I got fired from the LunchBox because I went off on a woman who stiffed someone (maybe you?) the time before. She informed me that the service was stiff-worthy as she had not received a straw. I walked out singing We Shall Overcome, which felt smart and righteous at the time, but which now, of course, is one of the things that makes me wince about my own past behavior. This being human stuff is really complicated. Oh, and let us not forget the snotty twentysomething clerk at the food coop who tried to kick me out because I had on my Fat Cunt t-shirt. That was years ago and I haven’t been back since. I will say that possibly my favorite holder over from lockdown is curbside grocery service. I’ve probably been in a supermarket fewer than five times in the past two years.
I can't remember if I ever told you that I WORKED WITH THAT WOMAN YEARS LATER! I was a temp (and employee briefly) at a sketchy car credit place, and she and the assistant manager used to go out to eat, and she would WRITE LETTERS, which brought up a memory. So later when she said she and a bunch of women at the (social security office?) used to eat at The Lunch Box, I was like, Oh, I remember you, and she got all flustered and said I was mistaken.
Anyhoo, she and the assistant manager were also forging the manager's name on legal documents so he "needn't be bothered." I told the manager that on my way out. He retired and the franchise shuttered the office. Ooops.
Hahahaha. If you told me I forgot so I am glad to hear the story. I can still see her face and her too bright lipstick.
I’d love to read that lady’s complaint: “So I was breaking the law, and someone called the cops because I was breaking the law, and so I really think the one to get in trouble should be whoever it was that saw me breaking the law.”
Exactly! 😂
Oh Spike, I so relate to your piece. Funny how I was in NYC for a week with leashed dogs everywhere (even in Whole Foods, Target and CVS in Chelsea), kind owners, lovely and friendly people no matter where I went in Manhattan. Loved ones I saw told me how they are estranged from several close family members who act entitled to the 10th power since the election. Since I got back last week I had to block a person who I know is a caring person I’ve known for decades. Their recent post was a vengeful rant about their entitlement and belittling Kamala and her followers. It crushed me for a few hours. Today a dear friend took my pup with their pups to our local unleashed dog park of 12+ years. A woman walking two leashed dogs screamed at my dog and tazed him. Before the tazing she was advised to go to a leashed park close by. Instead she tazed my dog. This never happened before. People seem a bit more off their rocker. It’s so sad. I am learning to let go of confronting the assholes of the world as well. The main reason being what you said, it robs me of my joy. Taking care of my Mom for four years taught me about the preciousness of moments, of gratitude and love 💕. These are my tools 🧰. Another tool is community, thank you for being part of mine. 💕🎁💕
Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry that happened to your dog! That’s horrible. It really is feeling uglier and scarier out that. The poison from my interaction with the off leash woman is slowly seeping away. My plan is to redouble my efforts to see and feel beauty every day. Only thing that’s gonna get me through. ❤️
Ugh, I so relate. I was noticing and barely tolerating a lot of entitlement in air travel recently (a privilege to be there for that, i know). I have also been trying to police the entitled dog owners in the park near my house. Been charged with my little gal more than once. I totally do the friendly, "Did you know this is a leash-only park?" but folks know they are wrong and often respond in a crappy manner. I don't have to worry about getting fired, but I do think twice about folks seeing me go back to my home after that kind of encounter. I think what gets me, along with the entitlement, is the gaslighting. Like *I* am somehow crazy or petty for wanting them to follow the rules, which are in place for good reason and The Common Good. I have had a couple satisfying experiences when someone's offleash dog ran up on another dog and caused a commotion, the exact thing I had just warned them off (after picking up my little one and heading the other direction - which I *should not have to do*!). I have (in Karen-esque fashion) spoken to the park caretakers about it and they said they have stopped engaging people about it because they have been threatened. Like, people sicked their dogs on them! Can you imagine? So, yeah, it does feel like tilting at windmills with these folks sometimes.
Thanks, as always, for sharing your processing of this and inspiring us to pick our battles and avoid the mindjam when we can.
YES! The gaslighting part! And even though the cops made it clear to her that she was in violation, she continued to stand there smirking at me, hand on her hip, with this, “See, I TOLD you” look on her face. Total cognitive dissonance.
Ahhh....Spike! Once again you've experienced and written something that I completely relate to. I also call out people for breaking rules, laws, etc. I've been like this since I was a kid. I'm triggered easily by entitled assholes, their blatant disrespect and bizarre, confrontational behavior.
When I was younger I would come close to, or have actual physical altercations with them. 😬 I believe that, that's what drew me to the Punk Scene. I found my tribe there.
Your words helped me. It truly is a struggle to rein it in. And what do we do with all that pent up rage?
Also, yes to noticing more rude people out there. Perhaps there are too many rats in the cage? Social media doesn't help either, and trump is a disgusting hero to half the country.
Hang in there, I will as well.
I’m sorry you go through it, too. But what a great point about the draw toward the Punk Scene. Yes, yes, a million times yes! I’m going to keep trying to rein it in and maybe do more physical exercise to deal with simmering rage. There was a time when I kept a punching bag in my room. It really helped.
Yes, exercise! Deep breathing....I've also screamed to let it all out. (I did that after the election). Another thing that I do is realize that it isn't me, it's them. They must be miserable jerks and I'm happy that I'm not an asshole. And yes, I've acted like an asshole at times too...but at least I know it and work to change that.
Omg, that Alamo Drafthouse clip, I hadn't seen that in awhile. The gift that keeps on giving. Yes, absolutely yes, the feeling of being around people feeling more entitled than usual.
I wonder if some of that has to do with a double whammy of having SO many extra more people squozen into this city (meaning so many more opportunities to deal with people in general, entitled and otherwise) but also because the nature of the city has sort of fundamentally changed over the last 20ish(?) years. Instead of feeling funky, easy and relaxed it now feels like a playground for the rich (which often but not always comes with entitled). I mean, who else can afford to live here?
I wonder if a way to thread the needle of wanting to do or say something but not wanting to risk your job or your physical and/or mental health would be to... when you see someone doing something you think (or know) is wrong, first take a quick mental inventory and see if you can do what I'm about to suggest in a calm and ideally reasonable way and, if so (if not, keep walking)... decide to let them know in a genuinely friendly way that, say, it's an area that requires a dog to be on a leash. Sometimes folks appreciate the info. However, if they feel threatened and go ballistic on you, take a deep breath, smile, say I just thought you'd like to know and have a nice day (kill them with kindness) and then walk away. You've done your job, it's on them after that.
I think a lot of people kneejerk into shittiness when they feel put on the spot but maybe, just maybe, later on that kernel of info might sink in when they're calmer and it might actually change behavior (including maybe not going back to same place where they were nicely confronted). It's all a big fat journey.
Basically, you're giving them info and walking away. Job done. Sometimes just putting a little roadblock in front of what feels like a steam roller can alter the course, in the best ways. And you don't have to get run over in the process.
Love you, Spike. Thank you so much for all that you do. xoxoxo
Ann! All *excellent* advice which, as we know, is usually the hardest kind of advice for me to apply. 😂 All I know is I have got to teach myself to engage less because the emotional hangover I get from these encounters really fucks with me for days on end. It’s now nearly a week out and I’m still exhausted from all the energy I wasted first on her and then thinking about her. On Saturday I saw Ruthie Foster at the Paramount. She was so full of joy and gratitude and talked about what a great town Austin always was for creatives. I still know so many people who somehow manage to hang on by a thread, stay in the city and contribute to that good Old Austin spirit of support for one another. But it is tougher and tougher. At the end of the night, she dedicated her encore to Toni Price and then she said, “If Toni were here, she’d be saying, ‘Tip your bartender! Tip the band!’” And that so took me back to the good old days. I don’t think I’m merely being nostalgic. Those were truly magical days when it was affordable and the spirit of “we the people” was greater than the current, increasingly dominant ME ME ME bullshit. I did think of you when remarking on Lexus and Tesla—I recall your informal study suggested to you that the worst drivers always had a warning badge: some sticker or magnet identifying them as a Texas Ex. 😂
Oh I bet that was a wonderful show! And what a great tribute to Toni Price. I agree, I don't think it's just us being nostalgic, I feel very lucky to have been here during the time of fun. I was younger and going out more but also it was just, well, easier to be here, to live here. And I totally understand about how exhausting it is to deal with folks like Ivanka Hilton. It can really take a toll. I'm also prone to rehashing that stuff over and over and you're so right, they really don't deserve to take up that much brain space. Easier said than done but a Ruthie Foster show is a terrific antidote!
Entitled dog owners are the worst. My partner and I carry a police baton when we walk our dog. He's a little guy and we want to have something to fend off an aggressive dog or coyote if need be. Once a huge Burmese Mountain Dog (another one of those perfect purebreeds from the look of it) bounded up to him in a neighborhood. It was unleashed and was ignoring his owners' calls to return completely. They could not control this absolutely massive dog coming towards my little one! My partner extended the baton just to create space between the dogs. The owner's response? "You can hit your wife with that but don't you dare touchy dog." In hindsight, I think taking the baton out unnecessarily escalated the situation. But c'mon lady! We looked her up and she was on the Forbe's 30 under 30 list for a party favor supply company.
I have twice been attacked by off-leash dogs when out walking my leashed dogs. (The second attack was a little different—country dogs that were on the loose with no accompanying humans to yell at.) I’m positive I escalated the recent situation when I called 911 but I was so trying to keep *myself* safe—safe from getting fired. Because I always want to read these people the riot act and it is so difficult to keep that in check once I am triggered and I know if I give into the urge the entitled people will see to it that I pay dearly. So frustrating.
I worked as solo night staff in affordable housing for 10 years. Acting entitled is pretty independent of financial status as far as I can tell. I have stories for days. But I have to say that the best advice I ever got was to stay in my lane as in if it's not in your job description, it's not your problem. Maybe not what you want to hear, but I'm pretty sure that the C of A and the non profit I worked for have a lot in common as far as the higher ups. There's a lot to be said for keeping a job that suits one, especially when one has a hard time fitting in with the regular 9 to 5 type jobs. All that being said, I'm sorry you had an upsetting experience that's been hard to shake. I know what that is like. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
To clarify, it was in my job description, which I did mention. I know that people of all walks and financial means (or absence of means) can act entitled. I feed the homeless weekly at the Central Presbyterian Church and definitely run into some folks in that population who have been demanding and rude. But in my experience it is far more often the rich white folks who act with the most entitlement.
I took it that it was in your job description to inform, not to enforce, but I may have misunderstood. The non profit I worked for is a partner with the city and both have many of the same policies (my son worked at one of the rec centers for a long time, too). I am a naturally aggressive person. I learned how I approached people made a huge difference in the interaction. For example, "Hi, it's part of my job to let you know that dogs should be on leash in the park" and then following up to any push back with "I just needed to let you know" and walking away. The problem with enforcement is that it can lead to conflict which can lead to aggression which can lead to danger for both you and the person you are interacting with. You could get physically hurt. Calling the police can have big consequences for the other person, like being shot and killed by the police if they pull a knife for example or being deported of they are undocumented. I had 10 years of dealing with random situations like unleashed dogs and entitled (and mentally ill) people and occasionally some training classes. I'm not trying to tell you that you are wrong. I was trying to give you another perspective based on my experiences.
Thanks for clarifying. There was something in the tone of your original comment—or perhaps my perception of tone—that put me on the defense. To my ears (eyes) it felt…hmmm…not exactly condescending but in that neighborhood. Anyway, I stand by my decision to call the police. I am so tired of these entitled rich people—and that’s always who it is—making a public space unsafe for others. And also some of them don’t pick up their dogs’ shit, and we have to pick it up. Also, without enforcement, why bother having laws and ordinances? I maintained at least twenty feet distance between us, called my supervisor inside the building and she came out and joined me to wait for the police. When the police arrived we continued to maintain our distance. She was a 105 pound unarmed woman. And she was a shade of white that doesn’t randomly get checked for documents.